I’m going to be blunt in this post and keep it 100% real. Not everyone is a “friend” or supportive of what you’re trying to do. The hard reality is that some people in your life don’t want you to be more successful than them. Nobody is perfect and people tend to be judgmental. Face it, there are secret haters out there. (Sometimes, I even catch MYSELF being a hating ass monitoring spirit, talking negatively about people who are brave enough to try something new). Anyway, I learned the hard way and this is why I’m no longer sharing good or bad news with friends or family, especially if they gossip.
Vent to a Professional
Once I discovered talking to a therapist to handle the grief of losing my 16-year old heart dog to Kidney Disease, it opened up conversations about childhood, adulthood, stress, and I was even given “homework” to tackle any issues. Through this vulnerable process, I realized this professional was actually listening and giving valuable and actionable feedback, offering a POV that I expected my friends and family to provide me with.
I also realized trauma dumping on my friends and family all the time made me a Debbie Downer. It’s unfair to expect my “circle” to absorb my rants and venting sessions all the time. I’ve reciprocated and I’ve been the supportive listener. Let me tell you, that shit is draining and exhausting, especially when it’s constant and never-unending. It also made me realize, I’m not a therapist. 😂🤣
Lesson Learned
I recently vented about a negative situation I experienced only to find out that what I said in secrecy was blasted without my consent to someone I didn’t even want knowing my damn business. After this incident, I decided I’m not divulging anything, especially if it’s bad news!
On the other hand, there have been incidents where I shared good news and I was met with negative and weird jealous vibes. As a result, I no longer share what I’m working on or any “wins” since haters are lurking in my own friend groups.
Here’s some common sense tips on why gossiping and “spilling the tea,” can lead to problems:
- Loss of Privacy: Gossiping friends might spread your personal information to others without your consent, leading to a breach of your privacy.
- Exaggeration and Distortion: Gossip often involves embellishment. Your situation might be exaggerated or misrepresented, creating misunderstandings.
- Damage to Reputation: Once negative information is spread, it can harm your reputation and affect how others perceive you.
- Lack of Support: Gossiping friends might not provide the emotional support you need, focusing instead on the drama of your situation.
It’s often better to confide in trusted friends who respect your privacy and offer genuine support. The older I get, the smaller my trusted circle becomes.
Self- Realization: Insecurities Led to Hating
I’m not going to lie. I know my limiting self-beliefs and insecurities were the cause of me throwing shade and hating on certain people. They had what I mistakenly thought I could never have. Was I envious because this person had a house and I didn’t? Yes. Did I come to this realization after I was able to buy my first townhome with my husband? Yes and I realized I was being a hating ass bitch because I was envious. What a loser mentality to have and I admit it.
Anyway, I admit sometimes I enjoy a good happy hour where all we do is spill the tea.
Hey, you can spill the tea, as long as it isn’t about me! 😂🤣🫖🍵
Have you been the subject of gossip? Have you caught yourself slipping and being a hater? Let me know in the comments.
Here are some articles that help with limiting self beliefs:
About the Author
Formerly an editor at multiple online publications and proofreader at The Los Angeles Daily News, Christy started Disarray Magazine because she missed writing what she wanted. From hiring writers to contacting publicists and making assignments, Christy is responsible for the editorial strategy of Disarray Magazine.
Questions, comments or suggestions?
Contact Christy@disarraymagazine.com
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