Outspoken rockstar drummer Phil Varone discusses his comedy tour, politics and immortalizing his penis with the “phildo”

THE Phil Varone, who’s had sex with thousands of women while playing drums for Saigon Kick and Skid Row,  takes some time with Disarray Magazine to talk sex tapes, his epic “game,” and politics…yeah, this interview is that fucking good. Oh, and this is most definitely FOR ADULTS ONLY. I figured the f-bomb right off the block illustrated that point, but I just had to say it to be sure. Kids, Republicans, and conservative Christians, you might want to pass on this one. Just sayin’.

Disarray: So, The Secret Sex Stash released July 5th? You also have the website for the Stash, which comes with updates and exclusive content, what can viewers get as a member of the site that they can’t get with the hard copy DVD?

Phil: The actual DVD itself has five scenes on it with five different girls. The website features seven and we have already updated it, but we’ll have new scenes and content and we’re still in the process of getting it all built. We’ll have things like tour updates, schedules, and first look stuff on trailers and other things. Initially though, as for scenes like on the sex tape, we’ll be adding around two hours of new scenes and content.

Disarray: How did the idea for putting together the site and doing the video come together? Did you approach Vivid or vice versa?

Phil: Well, after I did Playgirl I was trying to figure out what to do next. I had the comedy show that I do, the background in music, and of course the reality show. It seemed to be the next direction to go. I mean, being in Hollywood and having been on a reality show, then you should be doing a sex tape next. So, I approached Vivid because obviously, me being a male, the sex tape thing is not like Paris Hilton or anyone like that. So, it has to be appealing for people to buy the DVD or go to the website and so the angle was the rock and roll end of it, with the girls and my lifestyle. I’ve slept with my girls, being in bands, so those are the things that you see. This is my life, the real things that happen, and I did all the shooting myself with my handheld camera. It’s not like porn sets with make-up people and things like that. These are actually girls that I sleep with that come over and have fun with me, and this is only different because I actually shoot them. It just so happened that these girls wanted to be on the DVD. So that is what we [Vivid and I] agreed would be the angle to go for, something different that might stand out from what else Vivid has. It’s either the girl celebrities and just like one scene, if you wanna call it that, where mine would be multiple girls and kind of follow my lifestyle.

Disarray: Well, let’s talk about this “Sex, Stand-up, and Rock n Roll” show. Is this like a variety show or what can people expect from one of these shows?

Phil: The concept for the show is a mix of music, comedy, and variety acts. There is the adult side, and that comes in the form of giving away gift bags full of adult toys and stuff like that. We usually have an adult star come out on stage to give those away and we play games with the audience; it’s is very about audience participation at the show. I came up with the idea after doing stand-up at the Improv here in L.A. It was then that I decided that we needed something different than the average comedy show – than just a bunch of featured comics. Although it is funny, I think that if you’re gonna by a ticket for something, you need to be entertained. Since I come from the music side of things, and that I was the only “rockstar” comedian, if you wanna say that, then I decided to just blend them together. It has become a pretty good gig here in L.A., and it has taken a good four years here in L.A. to get the right formula so that it is going to work and now I think it is ready to hit the road. What is cool is that at the end of the show, we are able to close with a concert, and I play drums with the all woman house band that we have, and we have a real rockstar singer on vocals. My last show here I had Leif Garrett and Matt Kramer. It really is just good fun like a ninety minute show with a little bit of everything. A “one-stop shock” as I like to say.

Disarray: Well I have to ask, you claim to have been with 3,000 women. Is there anyone or anything that stands out on that long list of conquests?

Phil: It’s funny, because after so many years everything becomes a blur. You can ask all the rockstars that have slept with so many girls if they can pinpoint certain things. I had dated a supermodel way back when and she was fun. Those mother-daughter teams or sisters together, that was always fun. When you achieved those kinds of things, you definitely remember them. Unfortunately, when you’re on the road going from town to town you see so many girls they kind of become a blur, so it takes something special to really stand out. It is usually just those milestones that stick with you, really, like seven girls at one time, stuff like that.

Disarray: So like those sex bucket list moments, those stand out to you.

Phil: Yeah, the “stories.” Anything I can tell the band about is gotta be one of those things.

Disarray: Well, since we’re here already, you are engaged to be married. You are also in an open relationship. Is there any advice for the men or women out there wanting to approach their spouse or significant other with fantasies or about being with other people?

Phil: Well, I wanna say that it is not one-sided. She sleeps with other men as well. We’re swingers, to use the 70’s term, but it is pretty much what everybody knows. We’re in a lifestyle. We play with couples; sex together with other people or alone. It’s a lifestyle, it’s not like you sit down with your girlfriend and say “hey, by the way, I need you to do this [with me].” So, in the beginning, when her and I first met I explained that I can love just one person, but that sleeping with other people for me is just a normal thing. I think that most couples would love to have it that way. Most marriages end because of cheating and infidelity and all that other fun stuff, so in our case we eliminate that side of it. The core relationship is very strong because we do have a lot of trust. When you’re in a relationship where you are with other people, then you have to have that trust. Then there is the honesty, because we tell each other everything we’re doing. We don’t hide the fact that we’re having sex with other people. So many people go the extra mile to hide these affairs away from Facebook and everything else because today, we are just so exposed. So I gave her the rundown of things, and she wasn’t in the lifestyle when we met, however it was something she wanted to explore. So she did, and now she really loves it. So, I don’t know how you would go about convincing a girl to do it if she wasn’t already interested in it. However, that is the way to do things in a relationship, with honesty and let people explain what type of relationship you’re looking for and be honest up front and don’t feed her a bunch of bullshit just to get in her pants. That’s what guys do, is feed women bullshit and anything they can, and now this girl is like, “What the hell are we doing here?” I think it is just easier to be honest. And also, maybe most importantly, is that a lot of guys who aren’t in the lifestyle and like thinking about having sex with other girls — is that your girl is going to have sex with other guys! I think that is what they forget. I think you have to be mentally ready, and that it is something you will enjoy seeing, is that another man will have your girl. I think that is missed in the big picture. Oh, and for the record: the fact that we can have sex with a lot of people, doesn’t mean that we do. That’s the great thing about it. I can have sex with a girl every day if I want to, but I don’t. It’s funny, because it’s when you are given permission to do something that you don’t really want to do it.

Disarray: It kind of takes the taboo out of the taboo.

Phil: Exactly. Most people do stuff because of the taboo of it. It’s the excitement of possibly getting caught or whatever it is. I mean, I had a friend come over today. I called my fiancée, and asked if she minded if so-and-so comes over and she tells me it’s fine. If she had told me she kind of minded today then I would have said no problem.

Disarray: Your relationship to sex has been labeled an addiction. From the reality show to just the mainstream feeling about open relationships and sex, do you feel your relationship to sex is an addiction? Do we too quickly slap that label on something that is frowned upon in the mainstream?

Phil: I don’t really think of myself as a sex addict. Did I go on the show? Yes I did, but they were casting for the show and my agent called me up and asked if I’d slept with a lot of women, I said yes I did. There are a lot of reasons you go on television and usually the addiction is the last one in your brain to get on television and get paid. Quite frankly, I was curious. I was curious to see if I in fact was this sex addict. I wanted to learn. I am a person who learns and likes to read up on stuff. I think the show did a real disservice to an actual sex addiction, because the show itself focused on drama instead of the actual addiction end of it and the education of it. We were given great lectures and knowledge. That was given to us. These days, people don’t identify sex as an addiction. First off, everyone has sex every day. So, how can that be an addiction if that is something we do? Same thing as being morbidly obese. I weigh 160 pounds and I eat every day, but what is the difference between me and those morbidly obese people? You know what I mean? So, you have to do everything in moderation, across the board, and it is not so cut and dry as drug addiction. When you have a problem with Cocaine, the only way to take care of it is to stop. If you’re an alcoholic, you can’t drink. But if you’re a sex addict, you have to figure out a way to have sex still, but then you need to learn about the unhealthy side of it. Those are the things the show didn’t show and I think that did a great disservice to sex addiction.

Then, there is the fact that all these idiot Hollywood stars like Jesse James and Tiger Woods and all these other assholes are talking about addiction and sex rehab just because they got caught fucking other women is ridiculous. Ya know, they are ball-less assholes that got caught cheating on their wives. Be a fucking man, and fucking fess up. You cheated on your wife – that is what you did. That doesn’t make you a sex addict, that just makes you someone who cheated on their wife. So that is the problem, when people just go to the sex addictions and things because they can’t admit that they just simply fucked up, that also discredits an actual addiction.

Disarray: It’s like the Anthony Weiner thing. He talked about going to seek help. For what, though?

Phil: Yeah, he sent pictures of his dick to a girl. Yeah, like every other man in the fucking United States? I mean, you’ve got to be realistic. There are real people out here that have an addiction. I do believe that sex addiction exists. Some people would argue with me on this, but until you get in to those meetings and hear those stories, you can’t just dismiss them. You’ve got to be a little fucking smarter than that. Most people’s ignorance is simply a lack of education towards the subject. If they were really to sit down and understand that a guy who is sitting on the internet 24-hours a day, loses his job, spending all his money on hookers, loses his wife and kids, getting shot at by pimps, getting diseases, spending all their savings…those issues are serious issues and are linked to an addiction just like gambling and just like eating or drugs, or alcohol. Anything that disrupts your life, and hurts it, can be categorized as an addiction across the board.

Disarray: So do you feel like a pro or an amateur now, in this industry? Is this something that you want to continue or is this sex tape just another arrow in Phil Varone’s quiver?

Phil: I just think of it as a bucket list thing. I’m not looking to be a porn star. I have no desire to start shooting polished scenes in regular porn. I just wanted to have a little fun and do a celeb tape. If it warrants continuing to do personal scenes like this then I think I can oblige with personal footage; I have tons of it. As far as getting in to the porn industry flat out, I have no desire to do that at all. I don’t have a problem with porn stars at all. I think it is a great profession if that’s what you wanna do. This is just part of the big picture for me. My main focus, my main goal, is the “Sex, Stand-up, and Rock n Roll” show and I think doing the celebrity sex tape is very relevant to that show. It all ties in together. It’s all part of my bio in a sense.

Disarray: Do you think with all your “expertise” that the porn industry and kink has made it to the mainstream where it is a bit more embraced as a reality that isn’t going away? As a journalist I see these puritanical ideals and moral standards held up and then in L.A. next weekend we have an expo center full of adult stars. Can these two things continue to exist simultaneously?

Phil: I don’t think people will ever get comfortable with porn. It still has that stigmatism of being something bad. I think the word “porn” is such a strong word. It is kinda derogatory. The idea of it is negative, but everyone watches porn, but people don’t want to admit it. There is nothing dirty about sex. I lived in Sweden and at one o’clock in the morning there are adult movies on. They don’t look at it as dirty as America does. I think America just gets hung up on it because people hide behind religion and try to be what they’re not. I think religious people are the biggest hypocrites in the world because these idiots are the first people to be bashing gay this and gay that, and they are the first ones getting their dick sucked in the men’s room. To me that is very hypocritical and you’re full of shit. So, just like that, if you show me one politician that says they’ve never seen porn or visited a hooker, I’ll show you a fucking liar. Politically, people come out against stuff just to save their ass. They have no heart and no feelings. The human being is a very flawed and imperfect creature. As far as I’m concerned the human being should be wiped out and to get a do-over, because whatever has happened over time has created this monster that is pathetic and embarrassing. It all ties in.

Here you have Michelle Bachman who is a laughing stock, who is about as intelligent as a rock, with her gay husband. Her gay husband, who claims he’s not gay, claims he can pray the gay out of people…and these people are running for President!? That is unreal to me. I can’t believe that you have a woman who wants to become president and make porn illegal, she’s got this gay husband who claims he’s not gay, with a facility where people can get the gay prayed out of them which has been reported on as mental and physical abuse that is illegal. This is something they claim they can do, and this guy [Marcus Bachman] is so closeted it is scary. And let me say, I have the utmost respect for someone’s sexuality. I’m not homophobic at all. I have tons of friends that are gay or bisexual, I don’t care about that shit. What I come out against is hypocrites. If you’re gonna say, then fuckin’ own it.

Politicians are the biggest, most pathetic, laughing stocks, and they are embarrassing. If you’re traveling the world, you will see how fucking embarrassing it is to be American. I am so proud to be an American and this government is making us a laughing stock, and it’s sad. It even comes back to the porn issue, or whatever you want to call it, where people are trying to find something wrong with it or call it bad. Porn has been around a long time, long before we came along. Think about the Romans with orgies and sexual freedom long before people even thought about Christ and all the bullshit. Let’s call it for what it is. If you wanna get all religious and that works for you then so be it. But come right out and starting to talk shit about [porn],that is where I have a problem with it. I live my life a certain way, and I don’t push it on anyone else, but it works for me. Michelle Bachmann, (laughs) I can get elected before Michelle Bachmann. It is a waste of energy to even listen to this dunce talk. Her and Sarah Palin, it is so fuckin’ sad. It’s embarrassing because the Republicans have zero fucking candidates, and I find it so outrageous that these two idiots are campaigning. So, back to the question, (laughs) I get side tracked, I think the adult industry is more mainstream, however there is still that stigmatism that keeps it more taboo than anything else. Then I see these people that show up to these conventions and want to meet these adult stars, then obviously there are people that are buying this stuff. It is a billion dollar industry. Yes, DVD sales might be down, but with the internet technology I think the industry is going strong.

Disarray: With sex, is there any line in your mind between sex and the romanticized idea of making love?

Phil: Yeah, I think with my fiancée it is very intimate. That’s because we love each other, and we’re very intimate. When we say “intimate” we know each other’s secrets, we have a family together, and a life together. So that comes across when we have sex because we are in love with each other. It is going to be a bit different than just meeting someone in a bar and fucking them in the bathroom. I think there is a tremendous difference between love-making, to use your term, and just fucking. Do me and my fiancée fuck? Oh, hell yeah. If she comes home after getting laid then I’ll throw her on the couch and pound her. There is no love in that, we’re just playing out our fantasies. Then when we have our time together and we have intimate sex, it is of course very deep, and very passionate. It is very different than sex with someone you just met, or with couples, or whatever.

Disarray: We can’t all be rockstars like Phil Varone, but when a guy is trying to close the deal at the bar with a girl, do you have any advice or wisdom for our readers?

Phil: I have zero game. Let me just tell you that right now. Without my band I can’t get laid for shit. I have my fiancée do it for me. (laughs) I have zero advice. I don’t even talk to girls at bars. I know that sounds funny, but I’m so used to literally coming off stage and then I don’t have to say anything. It is up to them at that point to figure me out when you’re in a band. A quick story, I think is funny and can explain it. We are at a bar in L.A., me and my fiancée. I have a fetish for redheads, and there is a freckled redhead a few feet down the bar, and I tell my fiancée that I have to have her, “can you please get her for me?” She looks at me and says, “you go over and get her,” but I can’t so there is just no way this is going to work for me. At that moment this other guy comes in who is actually my fiancée’s guy she has sex with. He is just a great looking guy. Kind of looks like a model, he’s from Austria with the accent and everything and he is fearless. So I pull him over and ask him to please get that redhead for me. He went right over and got her. So it takes no time and he calls me over, I say hello, and an hour later she and I were fucking. So, clearly I have no game. My advice to guys out there at bars would be to get the hot model from Austria to get a girl for ya, or your fiancée, because that’s what worked for me.

Disarray: Having toured the world, what country or maybe city has the hottest women to you?

Phil: As far as most beautiful people, women especially, is Sweden. Singapore had some really beautiful women because of a mix of Australian and Asian, so just a beautiful blend of cultures. Sweden, pound for pound, has some of the most beautiful people. Everyone, men and women, they are just gorgeous. I don’t know what they put in the water, but it’s unbelievable. With the women, you can just walk down the street and break your neck from looking at all the women. As far as the United States is concerned, there are beautiful women all over the place. Texas has some pretty decent women, Dallas especially, but for the most part the U.S. is just loaded with pretty girls. Just remember, it is really whatever your taste is. I’m not one for the glamorous look. I like what I call the “sleepers.” The one’s you don’t really see coming and they are just the most gorgeous ones. The normal, girl next door type, and they are everywhere if you know where to look. I think that every city has an abundance of them.

Disarray: So what is coming up for Phil? Where can we see ya?

Phil: I will be at Exxxotica. I am definitely doing something with Vivid and we might even try to get a version of the “Sex, Stand-up, and Rock n Roll” show going, too. Don’t know my actual schedule yet. It’s at the end of August, though, I know that for sure.

Disarray: Anything else you’re working on?

Phil: We are taking the “Sex, Stand-up, and Rock n Roll” show on tour. Also going to do a deal for a replica of my penis called the “Phildo,” which will be coming out in January. I’m also in the middle of writing a book as well. I just like to take it as it comes, and I don’t get too wrapped up in scheduling that far out. Just looking forward to getting out there. Just looking forward to getting the show on tour, that is really the main goal right now. Check out Philvarone.com where you can buy my movie, autographed, also have autographed Playgirls. I am on Facebook, of course, facebook/thephilvarone, and Twitter/thephilvarone. I am out there so you can easily get a hold of me.

Huge thanks to Phil Varone for taking some time and chatting with Disarraymagazine.com. He was candid, fun, and interesting doesn’t quite suffice as an adjective for this interview. If this doesn’t quite slake your thirst for adult content then feel free to check out his sex tape at his website and you could always just attend ADULTCON July 29, 30, 31 at the L.A. Convention Center. VIP passes are $50 and general admission is just $35 now. Oh, and I’ll see ya there Sunday the 31st. I’ll be the guy with a stupid grin on his face blushing like an idiot unable to make eye contact with anyone; you can’t miss me.

About the Author

Wesley Bauman, author of Doggy Paddling in the Deep End, is a writer/photojournalist originally from Oregon who makes his home in Ventura, CA. He’s contributed to the VCReporter and maintains an active blog (http://projectpoppycock.com/) where he writes on political and social satire regularly. Follow Wesley on Twitter @myownfalseidol

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